I've recently had some nagging thoughts at the back of my mind. A lot of random occurrences have all built up into a mild quarter-life crisis.
The first thing that hit me was last weekend when Mark and Robert were in town. I got to hang out with them briefly right before they left. The reason they were here was for their 10 year high school reunion. That forced me to realize that mine is only a couple years off.
Now, I never had very high aspirations. But I kind of always thought I would have done something before my 10 year reunion. Or at least be working towards something.
But unlike many of my friends (pretty much all the ones that left town), I never had a vision for myself. I never set down a plan to put into action. Part of this is because I was afraid I'd miss some grand opportunity if I was dead set on a specific goal. Instead, the opposite happened. I look back on my life and I see a corridor in which all the hallways branching off have been sealed shut from the inside.
I'm not miserable. Occasionally that corridor has been filled with light, friends coming and going, and moments in which I achieved minor personal triumphs. But there's too much clutter and the windows are coming less frequently.
And just to put too fine a point on it: the air in this corridor is stale.
Add to this the fact that seemingly everyone I know is either having a baby (congratulations, Bonnie!), getting married (contrats, Maria!), or getting engaged (Cale, you sly dog!) and it's enough to at least give you the impression that you've done nothing with your life.
Not that I want any of those things for myself at this point in life, but the fact that so many people (and so many of them younger than myself) feel confident to make those decisions for themselves; it just leaves me feeling a bit lacking.
I don't often use the semi-colon conversationally. Did I use it right?
Anyway, I'm not writing this for a pat on the back or helpful advice. In fact, if I hear "everyone moves at their own pace" one more time I'll probably scream.
I'm just trying to assemble my thoughts and let you guys in a little. I'm not good at spinning my life into entertaining yarns for the rest of you to enjoy, like some of you master bloggers. That's not my style. Which is why so much of my blog deals with so many things besides me.
But I don't want you guys worrying. Overall, I've had an incredible year. I've gone to places I never imagined and done things I never thought I'd do. And I am constantly surrounded by amazing people who inspire me (among whom you can all count yourselves). This is not depressed Scott speaking. He, fortunately, has not reared his ugly head in some time.
And just to prove it, here's a video of two otters holding hands:
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12 comments:
Well Robert constantly pesters you to move out to LA. Maybe you've just got to do it. I'm sure he, Mark, and Dave would more than help you out.
And if it doesn't work out for whatever reason, you can at least say you gave it a shot.
True...I'll most likely move to either LA or NY at some point. But I'm the ultimate procrastinator.
you know i love you to tiny little bits and pieces. and i'm proud of you for opening up like this.
let's compare, shall we? yes, i've moved. but, am i married? kids? meaningful relationship in the past (cough) years? nu-uh. and i'm only marginally younger than you, so we're ultimately the same age. we are, ultimately, tied.
i constantly feel as if i'm so incredibly far behind anyone else. but, then i think about it and--as much as i want those things right now, i know they aren't happening because they aren't MEANT to right now. i know that is cliche and bordering on what you said you never wanted to hear again....but, hate it for you, it's the truth.
i've always felt as if you have a fantastic, bright, incredible future in front of you. truly. since we were 14 years old. you just have to find what that is. and when you do find it, you'll know.
just know that, even if you there are times you don't believe in yourself, I believe in you, dammit.
alright, i'm officially putting away my cheesy hallmark card cliche training manual for...well, hopefully ever.
and the semi-colon thing? no. no, you did NOT use that correctly. Too many clauses. I'll be in K-town on the 12th. We'll have a mini-lesson.
class dismissed! ;)
How are those two? What did you guys do?
It's difficult to resist the societal pressures of what you should be doing at your age, but if you recognize that they're just that - societal pressures - and not really what you want at this point in your life, then it's easier to dismiss them.
That being said, though, that's an insightful comment about letting doors close because you're afraid of missing out on one of them. I dunno what to tell you about finding a vision or a purpose, though. But getting the hell out of Knoxville couldn't hurt.
Those guys are great. We met briefly at one of the bars downtown. Adrienne was there too.
I was basically in stitches the entire time. Robert tells the funniest damn stories I've ever heard. And the fact that they're all true makes them that much better.
And of course Mark is hilarious even when he isn't trying. He unintentionally knocked over his glass twice.
The only reason I can see myself ever moving to LA is because I know people like this out there.
Mark is definitely one clumsy motherfucker. Maybe he was just trying to hide how pissed he was that the food was so... inadequate... because we devoured it like wolves.
It's too bad you didn't get to hang out more. I haven't stayed out and laughed so much in the span of three days in a really really long time. It helped that Robert stayed at my parents'.
Just imagine... you could have that more than once a year... and Dave would be there and maybe he could defend himself.
****
But yeah... screw societal pressures and get the hell out of Knoxville.
You could always do what I did --Have a kid way before your time, marry a high school dropout (who, coincidently makes more money than most PHDs) and decide that all you want to do is stay home, surf the net, spend money, and play with your kid.-- But then, you might need to be a chick to pull it off. Sugar momma, anyone?
I thought Japan was still in the mix. That'd show those societal pressures a thing or two.
Do you remember the Full House episode where Joey remembered he had promised himself he'd be on Star Search by the time he turned thirty? Not sure if it's relevant--as I don't recall what happened--but your post brought it to mind.
I'm happy to say I don't remember any episode of Full House
Sup Scott.
Sup Brian.
Like I can resist saying something so here goes...
I agree 100% with Zhubie. Societal pressures suck. I should have been married by southern standards LONG ago and pumping out babies and heading up the local PTA. Clearly, I am doing none of these things and am about 5 years late on accomplishing them. I feel the pressure, but I've gotten pretty good at ignoring it and being confident in how my life has developed so differently from a lot of girls around me.
That being said: you are chock-full of talent, Mr. Martineck.
You must believe this. And its not just your fantastically beautiful voice, you're witty as can be and always make me laugh, even when you kill yourself at the end of every scene (which does upset me a bit, but I laugh anyway).
Get out of Knoxville. Do it. GET OUT, just for a little while... because believe me: KnoxFabulous isn't going anywhere and if you try LA, NYC, or heck, even Anchorage, if you fall on your face, Knoxville will welcome you home....
But I don't think you'll do anything but succeed.
Side note: I must say that one of the best parts about my trip to Alaska had to be the sea otters. They swim on their backs, holding their babies in their arms, so you see two sea otters happily swimming along. Cute doesn't begin to describe it.
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