What Will Be The Worst Movie Of The Summer?

All the votes are in...



Some of you might have been under the impression that this was a poll. In all actuality it was a quiz. With a correct answer, and several wrong answers. Let's see how you stacked up...

First the most popular answer: You Don't Mess With The Zohan. Sorry, but this wasn't the right answer, folks. I can see where you're coming from, but it simply isn't the worst.

Next up is Sex in the City: The Movie. This was actually a bit of a trick question. Clearly, SitC:TM will be the greatest movie of cinema history. I mean, didn't you see the show? Plus, Carrie and Mr. Big are getting married! OMG!

The final wrong answer is The Happening. Now, in any other year this was a clear winner. I'm obviously ambivalent about it. But in sheer amounts of suckitude, nothing this year compares with...

The Love Guru.
This movie is offensive in a number of ways, and not just if you're Hindu. The biggest offense comes from Mike Myers' attempt to pass this turd off as actual comedy.

Sorry, but I'd rather eat a snow cone made of frozen farts.

Mike Myers Is The New Robin Williams

When I was a kid I thought Robin Williams was the funniest man alive. Then I graduated from middle school and my tastes matured somewhat. These days, if I see a preview for a new Robin Williams movie, chances are I'm going to groan and shake my head.

Likewise, I used to think Mike Myers was hilarious. He was part of my favorite lineup of SNL performers ever, with the likes of Phil Hartman, Jon Lovitz, and Dana Carvey. I loved both the Wayne's World movies. I even really liked So I Married An Axe Murderer. I became a fan of Austin Powers, but only after a second viewing. I politely chuckled through most of The Spy Who Shagged Me, and tolerated Goldmember mostly for old time's sake. Then there was The Cat In The Hat, an abortion I avoided altogether. Even Shrek was entertaining only in spite of Myers' involvement. But that series has worn out its welcome, too.

Now we have The Love Guru. The trailer contains so many warnings of typical re-treaded Myers material, it's practically anti-marketing:


There's so much mugging and winking here it makes me wonder why Myers bothers to play a character at all. It seems he would be much more comfortable making a movie about Mike Myers laughing at himself. It's only a matter of time before his movies start placing audience cues at the bottom of the screen like, "Big Laugh!" or "Uncomfortable Groan".

Other tired Austin Powers scraps being dusted off here, include the awkward "I'm going to tell a joke and then explain the joke I just told" motif.
And don't forget all that midget humor! Midgets! Which wouldn't be half as bad, except for the fact that I just saw In Bruges which now holds the monopoly on good midget jokes.

And we get it, Justin Timberlake! You don't take yourself seriously. Point taken, again and again and again.